Adam & Juli
Established- February 21st, 2015
-
What was your first date ever?
Juli: My first date ever, in 5th grade we all partnered up and Jeffrey Frumess was the only guy left, and I had short hair so I was the only girl left. He held my hand on the playground during recess.
Adam: Karen Christensen; I took her to see City of Angels. And then I got in trouble when we broke up and a couple weeks later I was dating Annemarie DesLauriers and I took her to see City of Angles as well. Karen came around and ask me what I thought I was doing.
2. Worst date you ever went on?
Juli: I dated a guy from Belgium who wanted to, on a second date, go to the airport with me, on Valentines Day, without any tickets and pick a destination with him and just go. It was devastating to me because that would have been my dream, but he was so annoying I didn't want to do that with him and I knew I had to break it off right then.
Adam: In middle school, I went to a high school basketball game with my girlfriend at the time and we ended up breaking up that night. I was pretty ok with it, but still not a great date.
3. What did you like about being single?
Juli: I controlled all of my time and I never had to compromise on anything.
Adam: That's all the more obvious with a child. I was just younger. I have no energy now. I remember being so naively thrilled about going to a nasty club where I knew the bottle guy and grinding on strange women. It was a weird time. I don't feel that way anymore.
Juli: That unpredictability of being young and not knowing where you'd end up?
​
Adam: I mean really, just being younger. I just remember Adam as being young... and really stupid.
4. What was your “type” when you were dating?
Adam: Everyone said I did, I never really go for this type, cause you're my Mediterranean goddess,
Juli: Oh...stop, don't stop.
Adam: But, Ashkenazi Jewish girls. I think it's sheer vanity on my part, cause I'm an Ashkenazi Jewish male, that if I see someone else of my ilk who is also attractive I'm like, "well alright."
Juli: I would say that I always thought I had a type, a tall bookish academic. But with my dating profile, they were always tall, they were very international, and less than half the time Jewish. So ending up with a lovely heighted Jewish boy.
Adam: Who hates books.
Juli: Who hates books but has the capacity to gather knowledge by other means but who is also creative. I'm the first person to say I didn't know what I wanted or needed and I only learned that by meeting Adam.
5. How did you meet?
Both: At work.
6. How did you describe the other person to your friends before you introduced them?
Adam: You probably would remember better than I would.
Juli: Cause I was just another girl to him.
Adam: No, you weren't. Because I remember saying to Kris, "there's this girl at work, and she's awesome and a lot of fun, but I don't think it's a good idea." I remember talking about how I wanted to start something and you didn't and then you were ready and I wasn't sure. That was really how I described you. For the most part, I can just let you into a room and you win people over.
Juli: I didn't describe Adam to my friends I told my sister when I realized there was this guy I have a crush on and I can't really kick it. I showed her a picture and said there's this guy at work, he's really sexy and mysterious but he's a musician from Kansas so it won't be serious as we have nothing in common. Should I just have a fling with him? She looked at the picture and said he was by far the best-looking person I'd ever been interested in and what was I waiting for? The next phone call I made was to Adam.
7. What do you remember about the “define the relationship” conversation?
Adam: Woah, oh god. We had multiple.
Juli: Yeah, we had to be in a couple, then decide if we were going to be long distance, and then the I love you conversation.
Adam: The two defining conversations were the I love you, where I was being admittedly stupid and guarded, more so than I ever needed to be. It was New Year's Eve, Juli had had enough to drink.
Juli: And I had my fur coat on so I was feeling sassy.
Adam: And we went for a walk.
Juli: And I badgered him into admitting he was in love.
Adam: We had just come from visiting my parents and they ask me if I loved her, and I said, "of course I love her", but for whatever reason, I couldn't say it. I was being stupid.
Juli: I had said I love you in Sept, it's now the end of December. For the record.
Adam: Anyway, the point being, we get back and she's painting all these pictures of times I could have done it since then and I finally said, "I love you, not everything can be like a movie, can we please go back inside."
Juli: It was more like, "I do love you, Juli, I'm really cold."
9. Did you give anything up for this relationship?
Juli: You probably feel like you did. Like you were free enough to pursue music on any terms.
Adam: Yeah, but I never have exclusively defined myself as one thing. I want to do that and I'm able to do music in some capacity, so I'm able to still do that and have you and him (Joshua).
Juli: I don't really feel like I had to give anything up. Adam has very specific ideas, one thing is that nobody can have a positive relationship with any of their exes. I didn't have any relationships with anyone, but it was an open sense that if I came across them I'd greet them or say hi. But I certainly wouldn't do that now. I don't feel like it's something I gave up.
8. Did anything about your relationship surprise you at first?
Adam: I think we just both surprised each other. I initially was like she's really cool and very attractive. She's got a little sexy swag. And then she was like, "Nah", I was like ok, fine. So when she came back around I was really surprised and taken aback by our chemistry. We just vibed really well.
Juli: I was surprised that we connected so readily. That someone who seemed so different on the surface from me, that we had so much in common. Little things like humor. Adam loves puns and he's a musician so he is so sensitive to things because of his ears, but I'm very sensitive to those things because of its funniness. So much joking and language and humor from having the same sensitivities that come from sharing an appreciation for something that you never thought someone else would like. That surprised me. Everything felt very easy. I described it to people as someone came into my life, like it was an apartment, and they moved everything around but I liked it, that immediately became my new normal.
10. What do you think was the most challenging moment in your relationship up to now?
Juli: When I got back from Israel.
Adam: For me it was her being away, that first semester was really hard. Once we were engaged it was easy.
Juli: For me, it was coming home. I had readjusted to being on my own, having my own schedule. Then I constantly had plans, seeing people. I'd been away for a year so I wanted to see people. I took it for granted because we were living together that I would see him, but I was very busy and Adam wanted more leisure time.
11. What’s your favorite part of the relationship now?
Juli: Co-parenting.
Adam: Yeah. When I'm able to get up in the morning. When we all do breakfast together. It's normally the only hour to hour and a half we have together as the three of us where we're not trying to put him to bed or something.
Juli: We're starting our day, and we get to do it every day.
Adam: Also, when we have a babysitter or someone stays later, it's like we're cheating.
Juli: Yeah, we really relish that and don't take it for granted.
Adam: Parenting like champions.
12. What inspires you about your partner?
Juli: Endless well of creativity. Constant searching for inspiration. Extremely attuned to the fact that there's art everywhere, inspiration can come at any moment, it can't be scheduled. It's a very different outlook than mine. I was always very regimented like art is in the museum and that's it.
Adam: I think it's Juli's capacity to shed light on anything. Not just intellectually but emotionally as well. Like she can walk into a room and it changes. The lights get a little brighter and the world is definitely a better place. The people she interacts with and her community at the synagogue it's just a huge source of pride.
Juli: I think also seeing each other as parents.
13. What would you change about yourself as a single person?
Adam: Nothing, because I got here because of my single experience. I don't think I would have gotten to this point. The people I dated taught me I knew I needed to do things for myself. One of the things I needed to do was find someone I could partner with and be in a relationship with so when we met I was prepared to accept the opportunity to have something special. I wish I wasn't so stupid and destructive. Badam as a nickname, you don't really want that, but I don't think I would change anything. There are stages you go through, and that was fun then, and whatever drama or shenanigans that brought about I probably wanted at the time, now I don't. And I'm really thrilled.
Juli: I think I was always moving around. I think a reason I was single was that I was never in one place long enough for a relationship. I wonder if I hadn't had such a dramatic change if I would have had the sensitivity to find him. All those things, I believe the path leads you to what you're supposed to find. However, I was definitely one of those pre-selfies generation people who went out with people for the story. I engaged with guys who were not my type and not the best guys because I thought that it would make for a good story at brunch on Sunday and I wish I hadn't subscribed to such a vapid approach to being in my 20's and doing whatever I wanted for the sake of being entertaining to other people. Thankfully I didn't get hurt, but it wasn't responsible.
