Erin & Aemon
Established- October 13th, 2011
What was your first date ever?
Aemon: I went with my high school crush to a little Mexican restaurant in our hometown. I think it went pretty well. We dated a few times, the beginning was always nice.
Erin: I have no idea, I didn't really date in high school or before, because I thought dating in high school was stupid. I also don't have a sense of when it's a hang-out or a date. People always have to tell me.
4. What was your “type” when you were dating?
Erin: Barret (my brother) says that my type is people who look like me, and he says that is "chipmunky". Being that I look like a cartoon chipmunk.
Aemon: Pretty girls who smile at me? That's not quite true, I like people that are a little bit cynical, that get where my dry sense of humor is coming from. I get bored with niceness or predictability.
Erin: It's funny because you thought about breaking up with me after that date when I wanted to eavesdrop on the table next to us.
Aemon: There are fine lines to it, I've been in relationships where everything was fine and boring, and I don't want that.
2. Worst date you ever went on?
Erin: For me, it was one of those I didn't know it was a date scenarios. Someone I worked with at the time asks if I wanted to see this movie. I met my sister before and told her I was going to see a movie, she told me it was a date and I freaked out because I didn't want it to be a date. So I took my sister with me, to the movie and then for a coffee after.
Aemon: I guess mine was similar, it was in grad school. I'm picking one situation out of many in my life. This girl in my research department ask me to meet for an interview for a project she was working on at this cafe. It became clear pretty quickly with how she was staring at me that she was interested, and I was not, so I politely left.
3. What did you like about being single?
Aemon: In hindsight, so many things. I guess the thing about being single is that it's nice that you can stumble home at any hour and eat a whole pizza over the sink. Drink a whole bottle of wine and fall asleep and not worry about cleaning it up. That was pretty great.
Erin: You know what I really liked, was being able to train a dog on my own so that she was well trained, as opposed to our second dog. It's just easier when you have a way of doing things and you don't have to consult someone.
Aemon: Exactly, like if you have a way of eating dinner over a sink and you don't need someone micromanaging you telling you to use a plate.
5. How did you meet?
Aemon: She'll tell it a little different than me. We got in the elevator and I thought she was cute. So we locked eyes for a second, there was a subtle flirtation. Basically, she smiled at me. It was one of those micro expressions people don't realize is happening but other very intuitive people pick up on. Then we wound up on the same train platform.
Erin: Which was very unusual, because we normally wouldn't be going the same way.
Aemon: It was happenstance. I was kind of looking for something to open the conversation with. So I noticed her rain boots, and I complimented her on her rain boots. It was not hard to continue the conversation from there. She had a lot to say about rain boots.
Erin: I had a thing about rainboots at the time. When you live in New York you can wind up walking around in rain boots a lot. So I had a series of rain boots that kept breaking, so I was looking for a great pair that was comfortable and effective, so this was that pair and I had a lot to say about them.
So, we got to the elevator at the same time. He looked cute, but not friendly. I thought he was kind of a salesy guy, nicely dressed, but not trying to talk to him. Just didn't seem like he would be receptive. But then I saw him on the platform and we talked rain boots.
6. How did you describe the other person to your friends before you introduced them?
Erin: Aemon met pretty much everyone I know almost immediately, I like to throw people into the deep end. He met my brother and sister within the first two weeks we were dating. I think I probably described him as funny but in a way that isn't mean, which is unusual for me. And he always has interesting things to contribute and talk about, he gets so excited about it, and it sparks enthusiasm in other people.
Aemon: I don't really talk to my friends about that usually. I remember telling my family about you. Talking about your education, that you were someone I met at work who was pursuing a masters degree and you were nice. I'm sure I said some other stuff to Evan, but it was more like dude talk.
Erin: What does that mean?
Aemon: Dude talk.
7. What do you remember about the “define the relationship” conversation?
Erin: I remember very specifically. I was about to go visit my friend Katie in Oregon. Before I left I told Aemon I wanted to be exclusive. And your face was like, ok, that's what I'm already doing.
Aemon: Right, like what am I gonna do with all these other women?
9. Did you give anything up for this relationship?
Aemon: Anytime you choose one fork in the road over another you're giving up that other fork. So yes. But I don't regret any of it.
Erin: Being awesome and single in NY. It's the best.
Aemon: Strutting around and being all awesome like Saturday Night Fever.
Erin: I say that sarcastically, but NY literally has millions of people and almost all of them are looking to date. So like you said, when you choose a fork you're forgoing other experiences, but also dating is the worst, so it wasn't that bad.
You gave up Brooklyn for me.
Aemon: That was hard when I moved to NY I specifically moved to Brooklyn to be close to my friend group, so it was hard to give that up.
Erin: We looked both places but it was hard to get realtors to get back to us about Brooklyn and we found an awesome place in Astoria.
Aemon: It was awesome.
8. Did anything about your relationship surprise you at first?
Aemon: I was surprised how quickly she introduced me to her brother and sister. It escalated quickly. Erin is just herself, you get the full dose right away, and that was intense, but I was into it.
Erin: I don't know that it was surprising but it was nice that Aemon has always been really good about listening to my feelings and taking them all in, not reacting but listening and saying I hear you. It's hard to freak him out, I've figured out ways, but it was great at the beginning.
10. What do you think the most challenging moment in your relationship was up to now?
Aemon: I can't remember any time that really shook us. Very early on Erin gave me an ultimatum about moving in together.
Erin: It was a year into dating.
Aemon: Like at the cusp of getting serious in the relationship and I was like, "Woah." I didn't think we were gonna break up, but Erin thought we might which felt more real to me. That was a wake-up call. I liked having my Brooklyn apartment and life but I knew I wanted to stay with Erin.
Erin: That was really the only time it got rough. I was ready to move in and he wasn't quite. I knew I wanted an adult relationship and I didn't want us to be in two different places emotionally for too long. His friend actually put it in good perspective and it worked out
11. What’s your favorite part of the relationship now?
Aemon: There's a lot of good stuff. I like it when we're on the same page and we're laughing together. Feeling like we have a shared plan for the future, that's a good feeling.
Erin: It's that we're a really good team. I like that we back each other up in our parenting, we're a well-oiled machine. We want to support each other creatively and all that jazz.
12. What inspires you about your partner?
Erin: Aemon is really driven. I really like that. If there's a project that he's interested in he sees it through. I think it's awesome because I'll drop a project at the drop of a hat, so it's great to have someone around who's into projects and bettering themselves.
Aemon: Erin is very dedicated to her principals. She believes in feeding certain types of food to our kids. Being easier on the earth in a lot of ways. Composting what we can and generating as little trash as we can. She really believes in those to the point it's personal. It's a great reminder for me.
13. What advice would you give to your single selves about relationships?
Aemon: In hindsight, I wish I was more proactive. I'm proud of myself for proposing when I did. I wish knowing what I know now and where it went I could have surprised her with getting an apartment. Being the person to push it forward. I know she would have loved that, and it would have made me feel good too. In the moment indecision can be overwhelming.
Erin: The one thing that could have changed my life for the better would have been don't get a second dog.
I don't regret the way that things happened. We got to grow in ways together and we had to make decisions together and it's all led to a good place.
Maybe I would have told myself that it's ok not to know, it's ok to be insecure or uncertain. You don't have to run from that, you can just let it happen.
Aemon: I would say let things happen. Focus on who you are and doing the things that make you happy and don't worry too much or think about being in a relationship. When it happens it happens, and it happens randomly, then it's great.